Something has gone terribly awry with my life plans. I fully expected to be sitting on a throne, drinking wine from the skulls of my enemies, not sitting in a broken chair, sipping lukewarm coffee from a chipped cup with a faded "COMDEX '94" on the side.

I went into academia planning to be a mad scientist, but not "mad" == "sad, tired, and delinquent with my annual eval." Too late for Plan B.