Adorable Waterspout Tornado Tries to Scare Seattleites Filing Taxes Under Fascism: https://theneedling.com/2026/04/15/adorable-waterspout-tornado-tries-to-scare-seattleites-filing-taxes-under-fascism/
The Needling
@TheNeedling@newsie.social
mastodon
4.5.9
Seattle's Only Real Fake News (Satire/Parody)
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Joined December 19, 2022
Posts
@TheNeedling@newsie.social
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3d ago
RE: @TheNeedling@newsie.social
“Before you ask—yes, I tried Nikwax Wash-in Waterproofer first, but I found I just needed something stronger,” he said before shaking off beads of rainwater like a duck.
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@TheNeedling@newsie.social
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4d ago
Seattle Resident Applies Rain-X Directly to Skin to Avoid Needing Umbrella: https://theneedling.com/2026/04/14/seattle-resident-applies-rain-x-directly-to-skin-to-avoid-needing-umbrella/
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@TheNeedling@newsie.social
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5d ago
RE: @TheNeedling@newsie.social
Before Rory McIlroy could even enjoy his historic Masters championship win for 24 hours, today President Donald Trump upstaged the golf tournament winner’s victory lap with what people are saying is the most perfect golf stroke in history.
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@TheNeedling@newsie.social
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5d ago
Trump Upstages Masters with Perfect Golf Stroke: https://theneedling.com/2026/03/01/trump-upstages-masters-with-perfect-golf-stroke/
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@TheNeedling@newsie.social
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5d ago
New Study Shows Bellevue Exists Outside of Work Hours: https://theneedling.com/2026/03/01/new-study-shows-bellevue-exists-outside-of-work-hours/
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6d ago
RE: @TheNeedling@newsie.social
“Should probably just make the best of it and start an OnlyFans," said Bigfoot when asked for comment. "There are worse ways to make money than sending weird guys videos of my Bigfoot toes squishing through mud. Can you imagine if I had to go to an office Monday morning?”
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@TheNeedling@newsie.social
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6d ago
Creeptozoologist Uploads Bigfoot Pics to WikiFeet: https://theneedling.com/2026/03/08/creeptozoologist-uploads-bigfoot-pics-to-wikifeet/
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@TheNeedling@newsie.social
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Apr 11, 2026
RE: @TheNeedling@newsie.social
The second sighting this week of a cougar prowling this usually safe, residential enclave has Mercer Island families clutching their children and dolla, dolla bills a little tighter tonight.
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@TheNeedling@newsie.social
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Apr 11, 2026
Mercer Island's Second Cougar Sighting This Week Alarms Residents: https://theneedling.com/2026/03/07/mercer-islands-second-cougar-sighting-this-week-alarms-residents/
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@TheNeedling@newsie.social
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Apr 09, 2026
@BreakingImpossible The Needling should totally give out such awards, shouldn't we? .... Hmm!
View full thread on newsie.social
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Apr 07, 2026
Blue Origin Lander Delivered to Wrong Moon: https://theneedling.com/2026/04/06/blue-origin-lander-delivered-to-wrong-moon/
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@TheNeedling@newsie.social
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Apr 04, 2026
‘You Didn’t See Shit,’ Local Says to California Tourist Witnessing Sunny Seattle Spring: https://theneedling.com/2026/03/05/you-didnt-see-shit-local-says-to-californian-witnessing-seattle-spring/
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@TheNeedling@newsie.social
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Apr 04, 2026
RE: @TheNeedling@newsie.social
After experiencing a Microsoft Outlook outage shortly after entering orbit this week, today Artemis II astronauts reported that Teams was also not working either for some reason.
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@TheNeedling@newsie.social
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Apr 03, 2026
Artemis II Astronauts Say Teams Not Working Either: https://theneedling.com/2026/04/03/artemis-ii-astronauts-say-teams-not-working-either/
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@TheNeedling@newsie.social
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Apr 03, 2026
RE: @TheNeedling@newsie.social
“I had just shoved my Jimmy Dean into this Gatorade bottle after my third hour in traffic and thought that there’s got to be a better way,” said Travis Morris, newly appointed Tourism Director for the City of Fife.
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@TheNeedling@newsie.social
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Apr 03, 2026
Fife Unveils New Slogan: ‘Last Chance To Pee Before Tacoma Dome Traffic’: https://theneedling.com/2026/03/04/fife-unveils-new-slogan-last-chance-to-pee-before-tacoma-dome-traffic/
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@TheNeedling@newsie.social
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Apr 02, 2026
RE: @TheNeedling@newsie.social
“Look, the bridge has been around since 1919 so does it need a little help sometimes getting fully erect? Sure,” said SDOT spokesman Hank Bailey. “Not for this long though."
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@TheNeedling@newsie.social
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Apr 02, 2026
Doctor Called After University Bridge Stuck in Upright Position for Over 4 Hours: https://theneedling.com/2026/03/03/doctor-called-after-university-bridge-stuck-in-upright-position-for-over-4-hours/
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@TheNeedling@newsie.social
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Mar 31, 2026
Officials Gather to Celebrate First Crosslake Light Rail Commuter to Flip Off Rush Hour Traffic: https://theneedling.com/2026/03/30/officials-gather-to-celebrate-first-crosslake-light-rail-commuter-to-flip-off-rush-hour-traffic/
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@TheNeedling@newsie.social
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Mar 28, 2026
RE: @TheNeedling@newsie.social
“This is my island – I have to defend it,” said a defiant Mercer Island Mayor David Rosenbaum as he painted tar over the station’s stair and escalator steps. “You guys over there, you got the flame torch contraption ready for anyone who tries to use the elevator?”
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@TheNeedling@newsie.social
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Mar 28, 2026
Mercer Island Leaves Home Alone-Style Traps All Over New Light Rail Station: https://theneedling.com/2026/03/27/mercer-island-leaves-home-alone-style-traps-all-over-new-light-rail-station/
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@TheNeedling@newsie.social
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Mar 27, 2026
RE: @TheNeedling@newsie.social
“We know several have unfortunately already run aground due to people forgetting the ferries are on their laps when hopping up to celebrate home runs caused by Guardian pitcher malfunctions -- we want to get those ferries replaced as soon as possible, which is unfortunately 2032.”
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@TheNeedling@newsie.social
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Mar 27, 2026
M’s Run Short on New Ferry Food Trays, Replacements Expected by 2032:
https://theneedling.com/2026/03/26/ms-run-short-on-new-ferry-food-trays-replacements-expected-by-2032/
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@TheNeedling@newsie.social
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Mar 24, 2026
RE: @TheNeedling@newsie.social
“Could you imagine how sad it would be if a foreign terrorist destroyed or ended your life instead of domestic one? Not on our watch."
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@TheNeedling@newsie.social
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Mar 24, 2026
ICE Agents Just Making Sure They’re the Only Terrorists at Airports: https://theneedling.com/2026/02/21/ice-agents-just-making-sure-theyre-the-only-terrorists-walking-around-airports/
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@TheNeedling@newsie.social
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Mar 24, 2026
ICE Agents Just Making Sure They’re the Only Terrorists at Airports: https://theneedling.com/2026/02/21/ice-agents-just-making-sure-theyre-the-only-terrorists-walking-around-airports/
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@TheNeedling@newsie.social
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Mar 21, 2026
RE: @TheNeedling@newsie.social
“Doesn’t get much better than this! I got off work a little early and found myself a nice spot on the grass, Lake Union is shimmering in the sun, aaand it’s already raining,” said Kevin O’Connell, quickly repacking his cooler and heading home.
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@TheNeedling@newsie.social
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Mar 21, 2026
RE: @TheNeedling@newsie.social
“Doesn’t get much better than this! I got off work a little early and found myself a nice spot on the grass, Lake Union is shimmering in the sun, aaand it’s already raining,” said Kevin O’Connell, quickly repacking his cooler and heading home.
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@TheNeedling@newsie.social
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Mar 20, 2026
@jimfl@hachyderm.io @Viss@mastodon.social Kinda like this? https://theneedling.com/2025/07/30/office-workers-secretly-waiting-for-landing-seaplane-to-decapitate-paddleboarder/
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@TheNeedling@newsie.social
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Mar 20, 2026
‘Doesn’t Get Much Better Than This,’ Says Seattle Man Enjoying 37-Minute Window of Sunshine at Gas Works: https://theneedling.com/2026/03/20/doesnt-get-much-better-than-this-says-seattle-man-enjoying-37-minute-window-of-sunshine-at-gasworks/
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@TheNeedling@newsie.social
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Mar 20, 2026
RE: @TheNeedling@newsie.social
After years of everyone being confused about why it was in the United States culminated in several ICE agents threatening them if they dared to stay in the United States, today the entire city of Vancouver, Wash. gladly and voluntarily self-deported to Vancouver, Canada.
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@TheNeedling@newsie.social
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Mar 20, 2026
RE: @TheNeedling@newsie.social
After years of everyone being confused about why it was in the United States culminated in several ICE agents threatening them if they dared to stay in the United States, today the entire city of Vancouver, Wash. gladly and voluntarily self-deported to Vancouver, Canada.
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@TheNeedling@newsie.social
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Mar 20, 2026
Entire City of Vancouver, WA Gladly Self-Deports to Vancouver, BC: https://theneedling.com/2026/03/19/entire-city-of-vancouver-wa-gladly-self-deports-to-vancouver-bc/
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@TheNeedling@newsie.social
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Mar 05, 2026
Apocalyptic Earthquake Headed for Seattle Stuck In Everett Traffic: https://theneedling.com/2026/01/02/apocalyptic-earthquake-headed-for-seattle-stuck-in-everett-traffic/
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@TheNeedling@newsie.social
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Feb 14, 2026
K-Pod Yacht Hunters Chart with K-Pop Bop ‘Sunken’: https://theneedling.com/2026/02/13/k-pod-yacht-hunters-chart-with-k-pop-bop-sunken/
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@TheNeedling@newsie.social
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Feb 14, 2025
Tesla Owner Running Out of Room For Bumper Stickers Explaining Tesla Ownership: https://theneedling.com/2025/02/14/tesla-owner-running-out-of-room-for-bumper-stickers-explaining-tesla-ownership/
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@TheNeedling@newsie.social
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Feb 14, 2025
Tesla Owner Running Out of Room For Bumper Stickers Explaining Tesla Ownership: https://theneedling.com/2025/02/14/tesla-owner-running-out-of-room-for-bumper-stickers-explaining-tesla-ownership/
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