Damon

I didnt consider that shiny mega charizard exists and I dont know how people expect me to just be normal about that.

So, I dont know if you know this, but every person who does gender affirming HRT gets a special power from the hormone magic. Mine's having days where my face repels all make up no matter how expensive the product or how many other times this exact item adhered before.

I think my mistake in transitioning was assuming it would give me the same privilege as cis white men, finally freeing me from gender discrimination. I pass most of the time, and pre-T, I really thought all these rants about passing privilege were onto something. Over and over again, I am given very stark reminders of how wrong I was.

It was amazing to me when I finally passed enough to feel safe going outside at night. I would look around, see that there were only other men out, and feel like I got away with something. It pales in comparison when I notice my entire family making sly, transphobic remarks at me, silently pushed on the outside and othered. Suddenly my ability to reproduce matters, not just to my family but to doctors too, when it wasn't even mentioned before. I have chanted this mantra since I was about 16 years old, "I don't want to get pregnant or have children." Acceptable when my hair is shoulder length, a threat when it's shaved. Suddenly we absolutely must preserve my ability to have biological children.

What they don't tell you is that Canada is a deeply misogynistic and ableist country. It gets compounded when you're both AFAB and disabled. I have a lifetime of traumas related to this. I have faced abuse and discrimination in every single area of my life because of this, and from every single system. Given my decades of lived experience, I feel it's relevant to bring up how I view patriarchal and ableist systems and the reasoning behind their abuses, especially if it uplifts and empowers women. My transition alleviated the compounding pain of the dysphoria my traumas have caused at least enough to speak about it. I try to be mindful of who I am speaking to and the context in which I convey my experiences, but, invariably, my gender is weaponized against me, erasing the 27 years I lived presenting as a disabled woman. I never thought that my own community would attempt to silence me under the guise of being gender affirming.

When the devaluation isn't happening, then it's idealization. I'm told I'm not like those horrible horrible cis men who inherently uphold the patriarchy because they have penises, I'm special, unique, better simply because I was born with a vagina. The basis of my value once again becomes my anatomy. I think this is easier for people to digest, afterall, they're affirming my masculinity by calling it better than the gross real kind, right?

Truthfully, there are a multitude of other patterns I could bring up specifically related to me being a transgender man. The cis guilt I get from cisgender gay men comes to mind, though admittedly I don't fully understand that one. These are simply three patterns that have been annoying me the most lately. Considering this, on top of the general common transphobia that has been manufactured globally by multiple politicians, I am disappointed to conclude that no, even if I pass as a cis white man, I'm still not privileged as one.

The patriarchy harms everyone, including cis men, and can only be abolished through a unified front. I myself intend to use my experiences to uplift the most marginalized, to educate and protect, even if I have to decenter myself.

Did you know: trans men automatically gain a speed boost whenever they notice they're taller than a cis man.

Protip: segregating trans men from Those Bad Cis Men to imply a trans masc superiority isn't gender affirming.