Daily Joke

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Reader's Digest #Joke of the Day

***** Figure of speech *****
After writing a speech for class, my daughter asked for input.
I listened to her talk about sexually transmitted diseases, then gave my opinion.
"It's great," I said. "There's one sentence in particular that I like."
"Which one?" she asked.
"The one where you write, 'The only way other than abstinence to be sure that you will not contract an STD is to remain in a monotonous relationship.'"
--Kelli G.
RD Issue: January 200[...]

Reader's Digest #Joke of the Day

***** Bite size *****
Several weeks ago, coming home from work on a crowded bus, I stood next to a woman and her small son.
I asked if she wasn't afraid the little boy would be crushed.
"Not at all," she answered. "He bites."
--Mrs. Phil T. Lewis
RD Issue: February 1951

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https://www.rd.com/funny/jokes

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Reader's Digest #Joke of the Day

***** Strikeout *****
Two old friends, Ned and John, lived for baseball.
Then one day, John died, leaving Ned inconsolable.
A few weeks later, Ned heard someone calling his name.
He looked up. Standing on a cloud was his old pal.
"Ned," John called down, "I have good news and bad. The good news is, there's baseball in heaven!"
"Great," said Ned. "What's the bad news?"
"You're pitching Sunday."
--Earl Fincher
RD Issue: April 2019

(C) 2026 Trusted Med[...]

Reader's Digest #Joke of the Day

***** Weighty matter *****
"I went to the 30th reunion of my preschool. I didn't want to go, because I've put on, like, a hundred pounds."
--Wendy Leibman
RD Issue: April 2008

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https://www.rd.com/funny/jokes

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Reader's Digest #Joke of the Day

***** Man up! *****
Three rough-looking bikers stomp into a truck stop where a grizzled old-timer is having breakfast.
One of the bikers extinguishes his cigarette in the old guy's pancakes.
The second biker spits a wad of chewing tobacco into his coffee.
The third biker dumps the whole plate onto the floor.
Without a word of protest, the old guy pays his bill and leaves.
"Not much of a man, was he?" says one of the bikers.
"Not much of a driver, eit[...]

Reader's Digest #Joke of the Day

***** Kitchen confidential *****
I hang on to my old, beat-up appliances as long as they keep working.
I thought my wife shared, or at least accepted, my philosophy.
But the other morning, I saw a note posted in front of my 15-year-old coffeemaker: "Jurassic Perk."
--Bill Schmitt
RD Issue: May 2002

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https://www.rd.com/funny/jokes