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John-Paul Keates

@jpkeates@mastodon.social
mastodon 4.6.0-nightly.2026-03-16

Retired
My posts are almost entirely jokes and terrible puns.

I'm a 64 year old, straight white male. So my experiences of racism and sexism have been largely positive.

Profile Image description - A bearded man in a room looks into the camera. He has a face best suited to a text description.

0 Followers
0 Following
Joined August 11, 2018
Location:
West Midlands, UK
Born:
1961
Status:
Damaged, but functional.

Posts

jpkeates
John-Paul Keates
@jpkeates@mastodon.social

Retired My posts are almost entirely jokes and terrible puns. I'm a 64 year old, straight white male. So my experiences of racism and sexism have been largely positive. Profile Image description - A bearded man in a room looks into the camera. He has a face best suited to a text description.

mastodon.social
John-Paul Keates
John-Paul Keates
@jpkeates@mastodon.social

Retired My posts are almost entirely jokes and terrible puns. I'm a 64 year old, straight white male. So my experiences of racism and sexism have been largely positive. Profile Image description - A bearded man in a room looks into the camera. He has a face best suited to a text description.

mastodon.social
@jpkeates@mastodon.social · Feb 27, 2026

Nothing shows the difference between French and British cultures more than the village food deliveries. The French truck delivers a delightful chicken stew made with wine, and the British truck delivers just chocolate.

It's the cocoa van.

#LunchPun

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jpkeates
John-Paul Keates
@jpkeates@mastodon.social

Retired My posts are almost entirely jokes and terrible puns. I'm a 64 year old, straight white male. So my experiences of racism and sexism have been largely positive. Profile Image description - A bearded man in a room looks into the camera. He has a face best suited to a text description.

mastodon.social
John-Paul Keates
John-Paul Keates
@jpkeates@mastodon.social

Retired My posts are almost entirely jokes and terrible puns. I'm a 64 year old, straight white male. So my experiences of racism and sexism have been largely positive. Profile Image description - A bearded man in a room looks into the camera. He has a face best suited to a text description.

mastodon.social
@jpkeates@mastodon.social · Feb 26, 2026

I take a Machiavellian approach to social media. The trends justify the memes.

#LunchPun

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jpkeates
John-Paul Keates
@jpkeates@mastodon.social

Retired My posts are almost entirely jokes and terrible puns. I'm a 64 year old, straight white male. So my experiences of racism and sexism have been largely positive. Profile Image description - A bearded man in a room looks into the camera. He has a face best suited to a text description.

mastodon.social
John-Paul Keates
John-Paul Keates
@jpkeates@mastodon.social

Retired My posts are almost entirely jokes and terrible puns. I'm a 64 year old, straight white male. So my experiences of racism and sexism have been largely positive. Profile Image description - A bearded man in a room looks into the camera. He has a face best suited to a text description.

mastodon.social
@jpkeates@mastodon.social · Feb 25, 2026

Saw a great concert recently, it was an old-fashioned music hall sing-along by Annie O’Diane.

#LunchPun

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jpkeates
John-Paul Keates
@jpkeates@mastodon.social

Retired My posts are almost entirely jokes and terrible puns. I'm a 64 year old, straight white male. So my experiences of racism and sexism have been largely positive. Profile Image description - A bearded man in a room looks into the camera. He has a face best suited to a text description.

mastodon.social
John-Paul Keates
John-Paul Keates
@jpkeates@mastodon.social

Retired My posts are almost entirely jokes and terrible puns. I'm a 64 year old, straight white male. So my experiences of racism and sexism have been largely positive. Profile Image description - A bearded man in a room looks into the camera. He has a face best suited to a text description.

mastodon.social
@jpkeates@mastodon.social · Feb 24, 2026

tfw u get succession-mogged while noncemaxxing.

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jpkeates
John-Paul Keates
@jpkeates@mastodon.social

Retired My posts are almost entirely jokes and terrible puns. I'm a 64 year old, straight white male. So my experiences of racism and sexism have been largely positive. Profile Image description - A bearded man in a room looks into the camera. He has a face best suited to a text description.

mastodon.social
John-Paul Keates
John-Paul Keates
@jpkeates@mastodon.social

Retired My posts are almost entirely jokes and terrible puns. I'm a 64 year old, straight white male. So my experiences of racism and sexism have been largely positive. Profile Image description - A bearded man in a room looks into the camera. He has a face best suited to a text description.

mastodon.social
@jpkeates@mastodon.social · Feb 24, 2026

"The narration for my book on Top Cat is being released."
"Audible?"
"No, just Top Cat."

#LunchPun

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jpkeates
John-Paul Keates
@jpkeates@mastodon.social

Retired My posts are almost entirely jokes and terrible puns. I'm a 64 year old, straight white male. So my experiences of racism and sexism have been largely positive. Profile Image description - A bearded man in a room looks into the camera. He has a face best suited to a text description.

mastodon.social
John-Paul Keates
John-Paul Keates
@jpkeates@mastodon.social

Retired My posts are almost entirely jokes and terrible puns. I'm a 64 year old, straight white male. So my experiences of racism and sexism have been largely positive. Profile Image description - A bearded man in a room looks into the camera. He has a face best suited to a text description.

mastodon.social
@jpkeates@mastodon.social · Feb 24, 2026

One way that this platform is better than Twitter is that you provoke much less responses from over-zealous grammar purists.

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jpkeates
John-Paul Keates
@jpkeates@mastodon.social

Retired My posts are almost entirely jokes and terrible puns. I'm a 64 year old, straight white male. So my experiences of racism and sexism have been largely positive. Profile Image description - A bearded man in a room looks into the camera. He has a face best suited to a text description.

mastodon.social
John-Paul Keates
John-Paul Keates
@jpkeates@mastodon.social

Retired My posts are almost entirely jokes and terrible puns. I'm a 64 year old, straight white male. So my experiences of racism and sexism have been largely positive. Profile Image description - A bearded man in a room looks into the camera. He has a face best suited to a text description.

mastodon.social
@jpkeates@mastodon.social · Feb 24, 2026

The marketing people from the Northern Ireland Tourist Board need to get a grip on their quality control

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jpkeates
John-Paul Keates
@jpkeates@mastodon.social

Retired My posts are almost entirely jokes and terrible puns. I'm a 64 year old, straight white male. So my experiences of racism and sexism have been largely positive. Profile Image description - A bearded man in a room looks into the camera. He has a face best suited to a text description.

mastodon.social
John-Paul Keates
John-Paul Keates
@jpkeates@mastodon.social

Retired My posts are almost entirely jokes and terrible puns. I'm a 64 year old, straight white male. So my experiences of racism and sexism have been largely positive. Profile Image description - A bearded man in a room looks into the camera. He has a face best suited to a text description.

mastodon.social
@jpkeates@mastodon.social · Feb 23, 2026

Want to identify vaccine deniers?

They're easily spotted.

#LunchPun

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jpkeates
John-Paul Keates
@jpkeates@mastodon.social

Retired My posts are almost entirely jokes and terrible puns. I'm a 64 year old, straight white male. So my experiences of racism and sexism have been largely positive. Profile Image description - A bearded man in a room looks into the camera. He has a face best suited to a text description.

mastodon.social
John-Paul Keates
John-Paul Keates
@jpkeates@mastodon.social

Retired My posts are almost entirely jokes and terrible puns. I'm a 64 year old, straight white male. So my experiences of racism and sexism have been largely positive. Profile Image description - A bearded man in a room looks into the camera. He has a face best suited to a text description.

mastodon.social
@jpkeates@mastodon.social · Feb 23, 2026

Someone was complaining about how many meaningless international whatever days there are. On International Stupid Meaningless Anniversary Day of all days.

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jpkeates
John-Paul Keates
@jpkeates@mastodon.social

Retired My posts are almost entirely jokes and terrible puns. I'm a 64 year old, straight white male. So my experiences of racism and sexism have been largely positive. Profile Image description - A bearded man in a room looks into the camera. He has a face best suited to a text description.

mastodon.social
John-Paul Keates
John-Paul Keates
@jpkeates@mastodon.social

Retired My posts are almost entirely jokes and terrible puns. I'm a 64 year old, straight white male. So my experiences of racism and sexism have been largely positive. Profile Image description - A bearded man in a room looks into the camera. He has a face best suited to a text description.

mastodon.social
@jpkeates@mastodon.social · Feb 20, 2026

Put beavers in my river?
I'll be damned!

#LunchPun

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jpkeates
John-Paul Keates
@jpkeates@mastodon.social

Retired My posts are almost entirely jokes and terrible puns. I'm a 64 year old, straight white male. So my experiences of racism and sexism have been largely positive. Profile Image description - A bearded man in a room looks into the camera. He has a face best suited to a text description.

mastodon.social
John-Paul Keates
John-Paul Keates
@jpkeates@mastodon.social

Retired My posts are almost entirely jokes and terrible puns. I'm a 64 year old, straight white male. So my experiences of racism and sexism have been largely positive. Profile Image description - A bearded man in a room looks into the camera. He has a face best suited to a text description.

mastodon.social
@jpkeates@mastodon.social · Feb 19, 2026

"If somewhere that sells coffee and stuff is a cafeteria, why isn't somewhere that sells stamps a posteria?"
"Well I did mean questions about the job, but that's a damn good point and you're hired".

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jpkeates
John-Paul Keates
@jpkeates@mastodon.social

Retired My posts are almost entirely jokes and terrible puns. I'm a 64 year old, straight white male. So my experiences of racism and sexism have been largely positive. Profile Image description - A bearded man in a room looks into the camera. He has a face best suited to a text description.

mastodon.social
John-Paul Keates
John-Paul Keates
@jpkeates@mastodon.social

Retired My posts are almost entirely jokes and terrible puns. I'm a 64 year old, straight white male. So my experiences of racism and sexism have been largely positive. Profile Image description - A bearded man in a room looks into the camera. He has a face best suited to a text description.

mastodon.social
@jpkeates@mastodon.social · Feb 19, 2026

"You did what? I said to take some officers and look out for prints!"

#LunchPun

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jpkeates
John-Paul Keates
@jpkeates@mastodon.social

Retired My posts are almost entirely jokes and terrible puns. I'm a 64 year old, straight white male. So my experiences of racism and sexism have been largely positive. Profile Image description - A bearded man in a room looks into the camera. He has a face best suited to a text description.

mastodon.social
John-Paul Keates
John-Paul Keates
@jpkeates@mastodon.social

Retired My posts are almost entirely jokes and terrible puns. I'm a 64 year old, straight white male. So my experiences of racism and sexism have been largely positive. Profile Image description - A bearded man in a room looks into the camera. He has a face best suited to a text description.

mastodon.social
@jpkeates@mastodon.social · Feb 18, 2026

I like my men how I like my coffee.
Roasted, ground up and covered in boiling water.

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jpkeates
John-Paul Keates
@jpkeates@mastodon.social

Retired My posts are almost entirely jokes and terrible puns. I'm a 64 year old, straight white male. So my experiences of racism and sexism have been largely positive. Profile Image description - A bearded man in a room looks into the camera. He has a face best suited to a text description.

mastodon.social
John-Paul Keates
John-Paul Keates
@jpkeates@mastodon.social

Retired My posts are almost entirely jokes and terrible puns. I'm a 64 year old, straight white male. So my experiences of racism and sexism have been largely positive. Profile Image description - A bearded man in a room looks into the camera. He has a face best suited to a text description.

mastodon.social
@jpkeates@mastodon.social · Feb 18, 2026

My therapist suggested that I approach each morning as if it were my last day on earth.
So I set myself on fire in a church full of people.

#LunchPun

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jpkeates
John-Paul Keates
@jpkeates@mastodon.social

Retired My posts are almost entirely jokes and terrible puns. I'm a 64 year old, straight white male. So my experiences of racism and sexism have been largely positive. Profile Image description - A bearded man in a room looks into the camera. He has a face best suited to a text description.

mastodon.social
John-Paul Keates
John-Paul Keates
@jpkeates@mastodon.social

Retired My posts are almost entirely jokes and terrible puns. I'm a 64 year old, straight white male. So my experiences of racism and sexism have been largely positive. Profile Image description - A bearded man in a room looks into the camera. He has a face best suited to a text description.

mastodon.social
@jpkeates@mastodon.social · Feb 17, 2026

#UxbridgeEnglishDictionary

Gillian - A Jill with several zeroes

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jpkeates
John-Paul Keates
@jpkeates@mastodon.social

Retired My posts are almost entirely jokes and terrible puns. I'm a 64 year old, straight white male. So my experiences of racism and sexism have been largely positive. Profile Image description - A bearded man in a room looks into the camera. He has a face best suited to a text description.

mastodon.social
John-Paul Keates
John-Paul Keates
@jpkeates@mastodon.social

Retired My posts are almost entirely jokes and terrible puns. I'm a 64 year old, straight white male. So my experiences of racism and sexism have been largely positive. Profile Image description - A bearded man in a room looks into the camera. He has a face best suited to a text description.

mastodon.social
@jpkeates@mastodon.social · Feb 17, 2026

A Dairylea triangle - for many years, somewhere lots of cheese disappeared into thin air.

#LunchPun

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jpkeates
John-Paul Keates
@jpkeates@mastodon.social

Retired My posts are almost entirely jokes and terrible puns. I'm a 64 year old, straight white male. So my experiences of racism and sexism have been largely positive. Profile Image description - A bearded man in a room looks into the camera. He has a face best suited to a text description.

mastodon.social
John-Paul Keates
John-Paul Keates
@jpkeates@mastodon.social

Retired My posts are almost entirely jokes and terrible puns. I'm a 64 year old, straight white male. So my experiences of racism and sexism have been largely positive. Profile Image description - A bearded man in a room looks into the camera. He has a face best suited to a text description.

mastodon.social
@jpkeates@mastodon.social · Feb 17, 2026

#UxbridgeEnglishDictionary

Coffer - Someone with a cold.

See also Coffee - their partner.

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jpkeates
John-Paul Keates
@jpkeates@mastodon.social

Retired My posts are almost entirely jokes and terrible puns. I'm a 64 year old, straight white male. So my experiences of racism and sexism have been largely positive. Profile Image description - A bearded man in a room looks into the camera. He has a face best suited to a text description.

mastodon.social
John-Paul Keates
John-Paul Keates
@jpkeates@mastodon.social

Retired My posts are almost entirely jokes and terrible puns. I'm a 64 year old, straight white male. So my experiences of racism and sexism have been largely positive. Profile Image description - A bearded man in a room looks into the camera. He has a face best suited to a text description.

mastodon.social
@jpkeates@mastodon.social · Feb 17, 2026

First, they came for me
And the communists, socialists, trade unionists and jews said nothing.

I guess no one reads poetry anymore.

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jpkeates
John-Paul Keates
@jpkeates@mastodon.social

Retired My posts are almost entirely jokes and terrible puns. I'm a 64 year old, straight white male. So my experiences of racism and sexism have been largely positive. Profile Image description - A bearded man in a room looks into the camera. He has a face best suited to a text description.

mastodon.social
John-Paul Keates
John-Paul Keates
@jpkeates@mastodon.social

Retired My posts are almost entirely jokes and terrible puns. I'm a 64 year old, straight white male. So my experiences of racism and sexism have been largely positive. Profile Image description - A bearded man in a room looks into the camera. He has a face best suited to a text description.

mastodon.social
@jpkeates@mastodon.social · Feb 16, 2026

Old MacDonald has six fingers, Ai Ai oh.

#LunchPun

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jpkeates
John-Paul Keates
@jpkeates@mastodon.social

Retired My posts are almost entirely jokes and terrible puns. I'm a 64 year old, straight white male. So my experiences of racism and sexism have been largely positive. Profile Image description - A bearded man in a room looks into the camera. He has a face best suited to a text description.

mastodon.social
John-Paul Keates
John-Paul Keates
@jpkeates@mastodon.social

Retired My posts are almost entirely jokes and terrible puns. I'm a 64 year old, straight white male. So my experiences of racism and sexism have been largely positive. Profile Image description - A bearded man in a room looks into the camera. He has a face best suited to a text description.

mastodon.social
@jpkeates@mastodon.social · Feb 15, 2026

Disappointing turn out for my Welsh Wigan fan group this afternoon.

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jpkeates
John-Paul Keates
@jpkeates@mastodon.social

Retired My posts are almost entirely jokes and terrible puns. I'm a 64 year old, straight white male. So my experiences of racism and sexism have been largely positive. Profile Image description - A bearded man in a room looks into the camera. He has a face best suited to a text description.

mastodon.social
John-Paul Keates
John-Paul Keates
@jpkeates@mastodon.social

Retired My posts are almost entirely jokes and terrible puns. I'm a 64 year old, straight white male. So my experiences of racism and sexism have been largely positive. Profile Image description - A bearded man in a room looks into the camera. He has a face best suited to a text description.

mastodon.social
@jpkeates@mastodon.social · Feb 15, 2026

If you have a German accent, a calendar is a Venn diagram.

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