Toby
@tobestewart@mastodonapp.uk
mastodon
4.5.6
Somethng s mssng from your lfe
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Joined January 25, 2023
Posts
[Trombones R Us]
Me: “Nope. Sadder”
Trombone salesman: “But sir-“
Me: “SADDER”
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As a parent it’s my job to shout “Be careful!” at my children just after they’ve fallen over
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Up early, to fit in more weekend and, this way, work days feel like a lie-in. Genius
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Exhausted after a torrid night of passionate love-making, I imagine how tired I’d be if I actually had a partner
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How long does viagra last? I’ve been badly let down by public transport
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When I say, "One glass of wine”, I mean three. It's a religious thing, you wouldn't understand
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Thread context
2 posts in path
Parent
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party
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on beige.party
Open ancestor post
Current reply
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party oh poop! I didn’t realise there was an objective
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Demonstrating yesterday for #Gaza in #Liverpool. It was our 100th march since Sept 2023. We haven’t forgotten you!
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ALRIGHT! Enough!
I have deleted the post where I claim to be the greatest shitposter ever, and replaced it with “greatest shitposter yet”
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I’ve been reading your replies. On a scale of 1 to 10, how old are you?
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Getting old actually has its benefits and, IF I EVER FINISH THIS PISS, I’ll tell you all about them
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My bastard status has fluctuated between “magnificent”, “arrogant” and back to “sad” already today
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Some of you have been in touch, thanking me for “the spaces between the words” in my posts, ha fucking ha
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Don’t be distracted! The genocide in Gaza continues despite the so-called ceasefire.
#freepalestine #Gaza #Liverpool
This Sunday, March 1st, there is a demonstration/march from Liverpool’s Catholic Cathedral to the city centre. It starts at 2pm. See you there!
This is the website for Liverpool Friends of Palestine:
https://lfop.co.uk/
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Other examples of my gift for creative writing include any references to a house, wife, or job
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[*stepping out of the time-machine*]
“I did it! It worked! I've seen the future”
- “Wow! What was it like?”
“Do you like global conflict over access to fresh water?”
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One of the best things about being British is electing a new Prince Andrew
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I think I should have more followers but over 15 million Mastodon users disagree
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I could tell that movie about the singing penguins wasn't a true story because of the happy ending
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I'm gonna get down on my knees and pray (that no one notices I'm not actually helping)
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A little bit about me:
Usually used as the object of a verb or preposition to denote the person speaking or writing
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The word "awesome" indicates wonder, dread, fear and veneration. It should not be used to describe audit tools
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Critics are saying my brevity goes too far. Others argue it’s not far enough
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I’m in a meaningful relationship with three pillows and a hot-water bottle
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Whenever things get tough, I ask myself, “What would Jesus do?”, and then I hide in a cave for three days
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The inventor of pairs of trousers: “Tadah!”
The inventor of the trouser: “Motherf-”
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Me: *sells soul*
[later]
Devil: *holding soul up to the light* “That motherf-“
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My posts are evocative of an earlier, simpler, time. A time of typewriters, and monkeys
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[montage of me monologuing but then, at the last minute, being thwarted]
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