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Hedgewizard 🐈

@Hedgewizard@beige.party
mastodon 4.4.14

Irish British/Kiwi in Aotearoa. Writer, Dungeon Master, stressbaker, reluctant pharmacist, cat magnet. He/him.

Cursed from birth with a deformed sense of humour. Non-sequiteurs guaranteed.

Account may feature swears; specifically four fucks, three buggers and a damn. But since they only occur in this introduction, you're past them now.

0 Followers
0 Following
Joined December 29, 2023

Posts

Hedgewizard
Hedgewizard 🐈
@Hedgewizard@beige.party

Irish British/Kiwi in Aotearoa. Writer, Dungeon Master, stressbaker, reluctant pharmacist, cat magnet. He/him. Cursed from birth with a deformed sense of humour. Non-sequiteurs guaranteed. Account may feature swears; specifically four fucks, three buggers and a damn. But since they only occur in this introduction, you're past them now.

beige.party
Hedgewizard 🐈
Hedgewizard 🐈
@Hedgewizard@beige.party

Irish British/Kiwi in Aotearoa. Writer, Dungeon Master, stressbaker, reluctant pharmacist, cat magnet. He/him. Cursed from birth with a deformed sense of humour. Non-sequiteurs guaranteed. Account may feature swears; specifically four fucks, three buggers and a damn. But since they only occur in this introduction, you're past them now.

beige.party
@Hedgewizard@beige.party · 3d ago

I have a grim prediction. But in the spirit of Saturday I am keeping it to myself. I hope I'm wrong. You're welcome!

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Hedgewizard
Hedgewizard 🐈
@Hedgewizard@beige.party

Irish British/Kiwi in Aotearoa. Writer, Dungeon Master, stressbaker, reluctant pharmacist, cat magnet. He/him. Cursed from birth with a deformed sense of humour. Non-sequiteurs guaranteed. Account may feature swears; specifically four fucks, three buggers and a damn. But since they only occur in this introduction, you're past them now.

beige.party
Hedgewizard 🐈
Hedgewizard 🐈
@Hedgewizard@beige.party

Irish British/Kiwi in Aotearoa. Writer, Dungeon Master, stressbaker, reluctant pharmacist, cat magnet. He/him. Cursed from birth with a deformed sense of humour. Non-sequiteurs guaranteed. Account may feature swears; specifically four fucks, three buggers and a damn. But since they only occur in this introduction, you're past them now.

beige.party
@Hedgewizard@beige.party · 4d ago

Am I the only person who doesn't entirely trust their wing mirrors when turning into traffic and has to look over their shoulder as well - like there might be vampire cars or something?

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Hedgewizard
Hedgewizard 🐈
@Hedgewizard@beige.party

Irish British/Kiwi in Aotearoa. Writer, Dungeon Master, stressbaker, reluctant pharmacist, cat magnet. He/him. Cursed from birth with a deformed sense of humour. Non-sequiteurs guaranteed. Account may feature swears; specifically four fucks, three buggers and a damn. But since they only occur in this introduction, you're past them now.

beige.party
Hedgewizard 🐈
Hedgewizard 🐈
@Hedgewizard@beige.party

Irish British/Kiwi in Aotearoa. Writer, Dungeon Master, stressbaker, reluctant pharmacist, cat magnet. He/him. Cursed from birth with a deformed sense of humour. Non-sequiteurs guaranteed. Account may feature swears; specifically four fucks, three buggers and a damn. But since they only occur in this introduction, you're past them now.

beige.party
@Hedgewizard@beige.party · 5d ago

When I have to venture on to legacy social media I treat it as a foray into enemy territory.

Trust no-one. That interesting post? Probably misinformation. The appealing video? Almost certainly AI. What looks like an update from someone I haven't heard from in ages? EVEN THAT CANNOT BE TAKEN AT FACE VALUE.

Click no links. Check everything before reposting or responding. It's not paranoia if they're really out to get you.

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Hedgewizard
Hedgewizard 🐈
@Hedgewizard@beige.party

Irish British/Kiwi in Aotearoa. Writer, Dungeon Master, stressbaker, reluctant pharmacist, cat magnet. He/him. Cursed from birth with a deformed sense of humour. Non-sequiteurs guaranteed. Account may feature swears; specifically four fucks, three buggers and a damn. But since they only occur in this introduction, you're past them now.

beige.party
Hedgewizard 🐈
Hedgewizard 🐈
@Hedgewizard@beige.party

Irish British/Kiwi in Aotearoa. Writer, Dungeon Master, stressbaker, reluctant pharmacist, cat magnet. He/him. Cursed from birth with a deformed sense of humour. Non-sequiteurs guaranteed. Account may feature swears; specifically four fucks, three buggers and a damn. But since they only occur in this introduction, you're past them now.

beige.party
@Hedgewizard@beige.party · 6d ago

Dunedin folk! We saw Chris's act in Nelson last night and it was EXCELLENT. His song about minor inconveniences you can wish upon people in traffic was worth the price of admission in itself!

See him next week at Dunedin Fringe
https://www.dunedinfringe.nz/events/pub-tales
#dunedinnz #fringe

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Hedgewizard
Hedgewizard 🐈
@Hedgewizard@beige.party

Irish British/Kiwi in Aotearoa. Writer, Dungeon Master, stressbaker, reluctant pharmacist, cat magnet. He/him. Cursed from birth with a deformed sense of humour. Non-sequiteurs guaranteed. Account may feature swears; specifically four fucks, three buggers and a damn. But since they only occur in this introduction, you're past them now.

beige.party
Hedgewizard 🐈
Hedgewizard 🐈
@Hedgewizard@beige.party

Irish British/Kiwi in Aotearoa. Writer, Dungeon Master, stressbaker, reluctant pharmacist, cat magnet. He/him. Cursed from birth with a deformed sense of humour. Non-sequiteurs guaranteed. Account may feature swears; specifically four fucks, three buggers and a damn. But since they only occur in this introduction, you're past them now.

beige.party
@Hedgewizard@beige.party · Mar 06, 2026

Me to OH: "I don't know why I'm sitting here looking at moths on Mastodon. I've got no END of things to do today.
"... Actually that's exactly why I'm sitting here looking at moths"

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Hedgewizard
Hedgewizard 🐈
@Hedgewizard@beige.party

Irish British/Kiwi in Aotearoa. Writer, Dungeon Master, stressbaker, reluctant pharmacist, cat magnet. He/him. Cursed from birth with a deformed sense of humour. Non-sequiteurs guaranteed. Account may feature swears; specifically four fucks, three buggers and a damn. But since they only occur in this introduction, you're past them now.

beige.party
Hedgewizard 🐈
Hedgewizard 🐈
@Hedgewizard@beige.party

Irish British/Kiwi in Aotearoa. Writer, Dungeon Master, stressbaker, reluctant pharmacist, cat magnet. He/him. Cursed from birth with a deformed sense of humour. Non-sequiteurs guaranteed. Account may feature swears; specifically four fucks, three buggers and a damn. But since they only occur in this introduction, you're past them now.

beige.party
@Hedgewizard@beige.party · Feb 27, 2026

In other news Olive, AI chat agent for Australian supermarket giant Woolworths, has been giving people the ick by making fake typing noises, claiming to be human, telling rambling stories about its mother

https://www.rnz.co.nz/news/world/588177/australian-supermarket-giant-reins-in-ai-assistant-claiming-to-be-human

#ai

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Hedgewizard
Hedgewizard 🐈
@Hedgewizard@beige.party

Irish British/Kiwi in Aotearoa. Writer, Dungeon Master, stressbaker, reluctant pharmacist, cat magnet. He/him. Cursed from birth with a deformed sense of humour. Non-sequiteurs guaranteed. Account may feature swears; specifically four fucks, three buggers and a damn. But since they only occur in this introduction, you're past them now.

beige.party
Hedgewizard 🐈
Hedgewizard 🐈
@Hedgewizard@beige.party

Irish British/Kiwi in Aotearoa. Writer, Dungeon Master, stressbaker, reluctant pharmacist, cat magnet. He/him. Cursed from birth with a deformed sense of humour. Non-sequiteurs guaranteed. Account may feature swears; specifically four fucks, three buggers and a damn. But since they only occur in this introduction, you're past them now.

beige.party
@Hedgewizard@beige.party · Feb 27, 2026

This is not the greatest caravan in the world, no
This is just a Tribute

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Hedgewizard
Hedgewizard 🐈
@Hedgewizard@beige.party

Irish British/Kiwi in Aotearoa. Writer, Dungeon Master, stressbaker, reluctant pharmacist, cat magnet. He/him. Cursed from birth with a deformed sense of humour. Non-sequiteurs guaranteed. Account may feature swears; specifically four fucks, three buggers and a damn. But since they only occur in this introduction, you're past them now.

beige.party
Hedgewizard 🐈
Hedgewizard 🐈
@Hedgewizard@beige.party

Irish British/Kiwi in Aotearoa. Writer, Dungeon Master, stressbaker, reluctant pharmacist, cat magnet. He/him. Cursed from birth with a deformed sense of humour. Non-sequiteurs guaranteed. Account may feature swears; specifically four fucks, three buggers and a damn. But since they only occur in this introduction, you're past them now.

beige.party
@Hedgewizard@beige.party · Feb 25, 2026

All I said was 'Don't invest in crypto'

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Thread context 4 posts in path
Root @troberts@theblower.au Open
@troberts@theblower.au
Trying to politely suggest to the cat that being a trip hazard is not in their interest.
Ancestor 2 @arcadiagt5@mstdn.social Open
@arcadiagt5@mstdn.social
@troberts@theblower.au Good luck with that. To be honest, I don’t like your chances.
Parent @troberts@theblower.au Open
@troberts@theblower.au
@arcadiagt5@mstdn.social My suggestions thus far have not been appreciated.
Current reply
Hedgewizard
Hedgewizard 🐈
@Hedgewizard@beige.party

Irish British/Kiwi in Aotearoa. Writer, Dungeon Master, stressbaker, reluctant pharmacist, cat magnet. He/him. Cursed from birth with a deformed sense of humour. Non-sequiteurs guaranteed. Account may feature swears; specifically four fucks, three buggers and a damn. But since they only occur in this introduction, you're past them now.

beige.party
Hedgewizard 🐈
Hedgewizard 🐈
@Hedgewizard@beige.party

Irish British/Kiwi in Aotearoa. Writer, Dungeon Master, stressbaker, reluctant pharmacist, cat magnet. He/him. Cursed from birth with a deformed sense of humour. Non-sequiteurs guaranteed. Account may feature swears; specifically four fucks, three buggers and a damn. But since they only occur in this introduction, you're past them now.

beige.party
@Hedgewizard@beige.party · Jan 25, 2026
@troberts@theblower.au @arcadiagt5@mstdn.social Teaching you to take care around cats in the same way you take care around wasps. Except with more treats.
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Thread context 2 posts in path
Parent @troberts@theblower.au Open
@troberts@theblower.au
Too hot for cat hugs.
Current reply
Hedgewizard
Hedgewizard 🐈
@Hedgewizard@beige.party

Irish British/Kiwi in Aotearoa. Writer, Dungeon Master, stressbaker, reluctant pharmacist, cat magnet. He/him. Cursed from birth with a deformed sense of humour. Non-sequiteurs guaranteed. Account may feature swears; specifically four fucks, three buggers and a damn. But since they only occur in this introduction, you're past them now.

beige.party
Hedgewizard 🐈
Hedgewizard 🐈
@Hedgewizard@beige.party

Irish British/Kiwi in Aotearoa. Writer, Dungeon Master, stressbaker, reluctant pharmacist, cat magnet. He/him. Cursed from birth with a deformed sense of humour. Non-sequiteurs guaranteed. Account may feature swears; specifically four fucks, three buggers and a damn. But since they only occur in this introduction, you're past them now.

beige.party
@Hedgewizard@beige.party · Jan 09, 2026
@troberts@theblower.au Tiki disagreed and his paws are radioactive. RADIOACTIVE
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Hedgewizard
Hedgewizard 🐈
@Hedgewizard@beige.party

Irish British/Kiwi in Aotearoa. Writer, Dungeon Master, stressbaker, reluctant pharmacist, cat magnet. He/him. Cursed from birth with a deformed sense of humour. Non-sequiteurs guaranteed. Account may feature swears; specifically four fucks, three buggers and a damn. But since they only occur in this introduction, you're past them now.

beige.party
Hedgewizard 🐈
Hedgewizard 🐈
@Hedgewizard@beige.party

Irish British/Kiwi in Aotearoa. Writer, Dungeon Master, stressbaker, reluctant pharmacist, cat magnet. He/him. Cursed from birth with a deformed sense of humour. Non-sequiteurs guaranteed. Account may feature swears; specifically four fucks, three buggers and a damn. But since they only occur in this introduction, you're past them now.

beige.party
@Hedgewizard@beige.party · Dec 29, 2025

Today I am "Stick with me, I swear to God there's a point to this story" years old

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Thread context 2 posts in path
Parent @troberts@theblower.au Open
@troberts@theblower.au
There was a small bit of fluffy material in front of Pippin Cat’s face. I grabbed it and pulled it away. I was then surprised to find the fluff was attached to a 20cm strand of child’s hair, the other
Current reply
Hedgewizard
Hedgewizard 🐈
@Hedgewizard@beige.party

Irish British/Kiwi in Aotearoa. Writer, Dungeon Master, stressbaker, reluctant pharmacist, cat magnet. He/him. Cursed from birth with a deformed sense of humour. Non-sequiteurs guaranteed. Account may feature swears; specifically four fucks, three buggers and a damn. But since they only occur in this introduction, you're past them now.

beige.party
Hedgewizard 🐈
Hedgewizard 🐈
@Hedgewizard@beige.party

Irish British/Kiwi in Aotearoa. Writer, Dungeon Master, stressbaker, reluctant pharmacist, cat magnet. He/him. Cursed from birth with a deformed sense of humour. Non-sequiteurs guaranteed. Account may feature swears; specifically four fucks, three buggers and a damn. But since they only occur in this introduction, you're past them now.

beige.party
@Hedgewizard@beige.party · Dec 23, 2025
@troberts@theblower.au You remind me of a childhood friend's cat - he intervened because he thought there was a mouse tail hanging out of it's mouth but it was the end of a piece of string. About a meter of it in fact. It just kept coming out like a magician's trick and the cat seemed just as surprised as we were
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Thread context 2 posts in path
Parent @troberts@theblower.au Open
@troberts@theblower.au
#CatsOfMastodon Someone is all tuckered out after a big year of ‘work’.
Current reply
Hedgewizard
Hedgewizard 🐈
@Hedgewizard@beige.party

Irish British/Kiwi in Aotearoa. Writer, Dungeon Master, stressbaker, reluctant pharmacist, cat magnet. He/him. Cursed from birth with a deformed sense of humour. Non-sequiteurs guaranteed. Account may feature swears; specifically four fucks, three buggers and a damn. But since they only occur in this introduction, you're past them now.

beige.party
Hedgewizard 🐈
Hedgewizard 🐈
@Hedgewizard@beige.party

Irish British/Kiwi in Aotearoa. Writer, Dungeon Master, stressbaker, reluctant pharmacist, cat magnet. He/him. Cursed from birth with a deformed sense of humour. Non-sequiteurs guaranteed. Account may feature swears; specifically four fucks, three buggers and a damn. But since they only occur in this introduction, you're past them now.

beige.party
@Hedgewizard@beige.party · Dec 19, 2025
@troberts@theblower.au Snap, now i get both cats
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Thread context 2 posts in path
Parent @troberts@theblower.au Open
@troberts@theblower.au
Harder. Better. Faster. Stronger.
Current reply
Hedgewizard
Hedgewizard 🐈
@Hedgewizard@beige.party

Irish British/Kiwi in Aotearoa. Writer, Dungeon Master, stressbaker, reluctant pharmacist, cat magnet. He/him. Cursed from birth with a deformed sense of humour. Non-sequiteurs guaranteed. Account may feature swears; specifically four fucks, three buggers and a damn. But since they only occur in this introduction, you're past them now.

beige.party
Hedgewizard 🐈
Hedgewizard 🐈
@Hedgewizard@beige.party

Irish British/Kiwi in Aotearoa. Writer, Dungeon Master, stressbaker, reluctant pharmacist, cat magnet. He/him. Cursed from birth with a deformed sense of humour. Non-sequiteurs guaranteed. Account may feature swears; specifically four fucks, three buggers and a damn. But since they only occur in this introduction, you're past them now.

beige.party
@Hedgewizard@beige.party · Dec 05, 2025
@troberts@theblower.au We can rebuild him
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Thread context 2 posts in path
Parent @troberts@theblower.au Open
@troberts@theblower.au
#CatsOfMastodon My cat and me, seeing each other after a week apart.
Current reply
Hedgewizard
Hedgewizard 🐈
@Hedgewizard@beige.party

Irish British/Kiwi in Aotearoa. Writer, Dungeon Master, stressbaker, reluctant pharmacist, cat magnet. He/him. Cursed from birth with a deformed sense of humour. Non-sequiteurs guaranteed. Account may feature swears; specifically four fucks, three buggers and a damn. But since they only occur in this introduction, you're past them now.

beige.party
Hedgewizard 🐈
Hedgewizard 🐈
@Hedgewizard@beige.party

Irish British/Kiwi in Aotearoa. Writer, Dungeon Master, stressbaker, reluctant pharmacist, cat magnet. He/him. Cursed from birth with a deformed sense of humour. Non-sequiteurs guaranteed. Account may feature swears; specifically four fucks, three buggers and a damn. But since they only occur in this introduction, you're past them now.

beige.party
@Hedgewizard@beige.party · Dec 05, 2025
@troberts@theblower.au "Oh, it's you"
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Thread context 2 posts in path
Parent @flargh@mastodon.social Open
@flargh@mastodon.social
I was gonna do this for Halloween this year, but now I'm just thinking about adopting this as a Vibe. Just need eyebrow pencils and some beard dye
Current reply
Hedgewizard
Hedgewizard 🐈
@Hedgewizard@beige.party

Irish British/Kiwi in Aotearoa. Writer, Dungeon Master, stressbaker, reluctant pharmacist, cat magnet. He/him. Cursed from birth with a deformed sense of humour. Non-sequiteurs guaranteed. Account may feature swears; specifically four fucks, three buggers and a damn. But since they only occur in this introduction, you're past them now.

beige.party
Hedgewizard 🐈
Hedgewizard 🐈
@Hedgewizard@beige.party

Irish British/Kiwi in Aotearoa. Writer, Dungeon Master, stressbaker, reluctant pharmacist, cat magnet. He/him. Cursed from birth with a deformed sense of humour. Non-sequiteurs guaranteed. Account may feature swears; specifically four fucks, three buggers and a damn. But since they only occur in this introduction, you're past them now.

beige.party
@Hedgewizard@beige.party · Nov 25, 2025
@flargh@mastodon.social Don't forget the matching mankini
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