“This meeting could have been a nap.”
Dan Ports
@dan@discuss.systems
mastodon
4.5.7
Distributed systems, operating systems, networking research.
Principal Researcher, Microsoft Research; affiliate faculty, University of Washington.
But realistically: mainly cat photos, food and wine, and bad jokes.
I also administer https://discuss.systems/
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Joined November 08, 2022
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Dan Ports
@dan@discuss.systems
Distributed systems, operating systems, networking research. Principal Researcher, Microsoft Research; affiliate faculty, University of Washington. But realistically: mainly cat photos, food and wine, and bad jokes. I also administer https:// discuss.systems/
discuss.systems
Dan Ports
@dan@discuss.systems
Distributed systems, operating systems, networking research. Principal Researcher, Microsoft Research; affiliate faculty, University of Washington. But realistically: mainly cat photos, food and wine, and bad jokes. I also administer https:// discuss.systems/
discuss.systems
@dan@discuss.systems
·
Mar 09, 2026
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Dan Ports
@dan@discuss.systems
Distributed systems, operating systems, networking research. Principal Researcher, Microsoft Research; affiliate faculty, University of Washington. But realistically: mainly cat photos, food and wine, and bad jokes. I also administer https:// discuss.systems/
discuss.systems
Dan Ports
@dan@discuss.systems
Distributed systems, operating systems, networking research. Principal Researcher, Microsoft Research; affiliate faculty, University of Washington. But realistically: mainly cat photos, food and wine, and bad jokes. I also administer https:// discuss.systems/
discuss.systems
@dan@discuss.systems
·
Mar 09, 2026
It is International Women's Day and National Aardvark *Week*, if you're wondering where our priorities lie.
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Dan Ports
@dan@discuss.systems
Distributed systems, operating systems, networking research. Principal Researcher, Microsoft Research; affiliate faculty, University of Washington. But realistically: mainly cat photos, food and wine, and bad jokes. I also administer https:// discuss.systems/
discuss.systems
Dan Ports
@dan@discuss.systems
Distributed systems, operating systems, networking research. Principal Researcher, Microsoft Research; affiliate faculty, University of Washington. But realistically: mainly cat photos, food and wine, and bad jokes. I also administer https:// discuss.systems/
discuss.systems
@dan@discuss.systems
·
Mar 03, 2026
due to DRAM supply chain issues, all interns will be required to memorize as many floating point numbers as possible.
Matrix multiplication skills also a plus.
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Dan Ports
@dan@discuss.systems
Distributed systems, operating systems, networking research. Principal Researcher, Microsoft Research; affiliate faculty, University of Washington. But realistically: mainly cat photos, food and wine, and bad jokes. I also administer https:// discuss.systems/
discuss.systems
Dan Ports
@dan@discuss.systems
Distributed systems, operating systems, networking research. Principal Researcher, Microsoft Research; affiliate faculty, University of Washington. But realistically: mainly cat photos, food and wine, and bad jokes. I also administer https:// discuss.systems/
discuss.systems
@dan@discuss.systems
·
Feb 26, 2026
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Dan Ports
@dan@discuss.systems
Distributed systems, operating systems, networking research. Principal Researcher, Microsoft Research; affiliate faculty, University of Washington. But realistically: mainly cat photos, food and wine, and bad jokes. I also administer https:// discuss.systems/
discuss.systems
Dan Ports
@dan@discuss.systems
Distributed systems, operating systems, networking research. Principal Researcher, Microsoft Research; affiliate faculty, University of Washington. But realistically: mainly cat photos, food and wine, and bad jokes. I also administer https:// discuss.systems/
discuss.systems
@dan@discuss.systems
·
Feb 25, 2026
Two of the most important lessons I learned in grad school:
1) you can register anything you want as a fictitious business name and get an official looking logo and letterhead and credit card
2) if a conference rejects your paper, your business can book the next conference room over at the same hotel and hold your own workshop and present your paper anyway
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Dan Ports
@dan@discuss.systems
Distributed systems, operating systems, networking research. Principal Researcher, Microsoft Research; affiliate faculty, University of Washington. But realistically: mainly cat photos, food and wine, and bad jokes. I also administer https:// discuss.systems/
discuss.systems
Dan Ports
@dan@discuss.systems
Distributed systems, operating systems, networking research. Principal Researcher, Microsoft Research; affiliate faculty, University of Washington. But realistically: mainly cat photos, food and wine, and bad jokes. I also administer https:// discuss.systems/
discuss.systems
@dan@discuss.systems
·
Feb 18, 2026
Can’t wait to find out how this upgrade enhances my dishwasher’s performance.
At least it’s not adding new AI features, I guess…
View on discuss.systems
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Dan Ports
@dan@discuss.systems
Distributed systems, operating systems, networking research. Principal Researcher, Microsoft Research; affiliate faculty, University of Washington. But realistically: mainly cat photos, food and wine, and bad jokes. I also administer https:// discuss.systems/
discuss.systems
Dan Ports
@dan@discuss.systems
Distributed systems, operating systems, networking research. Principal Researcher, Microsoft Research; affiliate faculty, University of Washington. But realistically: mainly cat photos, food and wine, and bad jokes. I also administer https:// discuss.systems/
discuss.systems
@dan@discuss.systems
·
Feb 12, 2026
watching Olympic ice dance where the theme for the Rhythm Dance is "1990s" and suddenly I understand the concept of cultural appropriation
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Dan Ports
@dan@discuss.systems
Distributed systems, operating systems, networking research. Principal Researcher, Microsoft Research; affiliate faculty, University of Washington. But realistically: mainly cat photos, food and wine, and bad jokes. I also administer https:// discuss.systems/
discuss.systems
Dan Ports
@dan@discuss.systems
Distributed systems, operating systems, networking research. Principal Researcher, Microsoft Research; affiliate faculty, University of Washington. But realistically: mainly cat photos, food and wine, and bad jokes. I also administer https:// discuss.systems/
discuss.systems
@dan@discuss.systems
·
Feb 11, 2026
currently obsessed with Cheeto, the chonky orange cat who lives around the physics building at UC Davis, who not only has a department webpage and a Wikipedia page, but also has a RateMyProfessor page with 331 ratings for his course Loaf 101.
https://hpc.ucdavis.edu/people/cheeto-cat
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cheeto_(UC_Davis_Cat)
https://www.ratemyprofessors.com/professor/3028076
(via @sharon@discuss.systems and @amanda@discuss.systems; photo from Wikipedia)
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Thread context
2 posts in path
Parent
@mattblaze@federate.social
Open
@mattblaze@federate.social
@skinnylatte@hachyderm.io oh my god it’s so awful. And virtually every US university uses it for hiring.
Current reply
Dan Ports
@dan@discuss.systems
Distributed systems, operating systems, networking research. Principal Researcher, Microsoft Research; affiliate faculty, University of Washington. But realistically: mainly cat photos, food and wine, and bad jokes. I also administer https:// discuss.systems/
discuss.systems
Dan Ports
@dan@discuss.systems
Distributed systems, operating systems, networking research. Principal Researcher, Microsoft Research; affiliate faculty, University of Washington. But realistically: mainly cat photos, food and wine, and bad jokes. I also administer https:// discuss.systems/
discuss.systems
@dan@discuss.systems
·
Nov 12, 2025
@mattblaze@federate.social @skinnylatte@hachyderm.io oh, don't worry, they've also now introduced Workday Student, which from what I've heard takes the awfulness to a new level
View full thread on discuss.systems
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Dan Ports
@dan@discuss.systems
Distributed systems, operating systems, networking research. Principal Researcher, Microsoft Research; affiliate faculty, University of Washington. But realistically: mainly cat photos, food and wine, and bad jokes. I also administer https:// discuss.systems/
discuss.systems
Dan Ports
@dan@discuss.systems
Distributed systems, operating systems, networking research. Principal Researcher, Microsoft Research; affiliate faculty, University of Washington. But realistically: mainly cat photos, food and wine, and bad jokes. I also administer https:// discuss.systems/
discuss.systems
@dan@discuss.systems
·
Dec 04, 2024
Minion has been a bit sick while we’ve been gone (nothing serious, the vet thinks it’s just stress, and he’s doing better now) so @sharon@discuss.systems had to go pick up a prescription for him at the Safeway
Sharon: I’m here to pick up a prescription for Minion Zhang
pharmacist: date of birth?
Sharon: I’m not sure exactly… he’s a cat
pharmacist: ok. Has Minion picked up prescriptions here before?
Sharon: …no? because he’s a cat?
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Dan Ports
@dan@discuss.systems
Distributed systems, operating systems, networking research. Principal Researcher, Microsoft Research; affiliate faculty, University of Washington. But realistically: mainly cat photos, food and wine, and bad jokes. I also administer https:// discuss.systems/
discuss.systems
Dan Ports
@dan@discuss.systems
Distributed systems, operating systems, networking research. Principal Researcher, Microsoft Research; affiliate faculty, University of Washington. But realistically: mainly cat photos, food and wine, and bad jokes. I also administer https:// discuss.systems/
discuss.systems
@dan@discuss.systems
·
Mar 16, 2024
Please congratulate @sharon@discuss.systems on becoming a Master of Science!
(In psychology, which means it involves actual people, which sounds complicated.)
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Dan Ports
@dan@discuss.systems
Distributed systems, operating systems, networking research. Principal Researcher, Microsoft Research; affiliate faculty, University of Washington. But realistically: mainly cat photos, food and wine, and bad jokes. I also administer https:// discuss.systems/
discuss.systems
Dan Ports
@dan@discuss.systems
Distributed systems, operating systems, networking research. Principal Researcher, Microsoft Research; affiliate faculty, University of Washington. But realistically: mainly cat photos, food and wine, and bad jokes. I also administer https:// discuss.systems/
discuss.systems
@dan@discuss.systems
·
Feb 04, 2024
a room full of computer scientists: everyone’s research statement always starts by talking about how they’ve loved computers since they were born at a very young age
@sharon@discuss.systems: yeah, that doesn’t work in my field, people look at you suspiciously if you say “I’ve been interested in alcohol and alcohol addiction since I was 5 years old”
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Dan Ports
@dan@discuss.systems
Distributed systems, operating systems, networking research. Principal Researcher, Microsoft Research; affiliate faculty, University of Washington. But realistically: mainly cat photos, food and wine, and bad jokes. I also administer https:// discuss.systems/
discuss.systems
Dan Ports
@dan@discuss.systems
Distributed systems, operating systems, networking research. Principal Researcher, Microsoft Research; affiliate faculty, University of Washington. But realistically: mainly cat photos, food and wine, and bad jokes. I also administer https:// discuss.systems/
discuss.systems
@dan@discuss.systems
·
Jan 05, 2023
As a distributed systems researcher, I’d like to thank the House of Representatives for demonstrating that leader election protocols can’t be guaranteed to terminate.
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