Blat News

Breaking #FakeNews: President Trump spins the wheel and lands on new Iran War justification.

Reports are unclear whether the wheel was reset after George Bush last spun the wheel for the Iraqi invasion.

Breaking #FakwNews: Mass murder John Bolton agrees to help Trump administration help take down Iran.

#IranWar

Breaking #FakeNews: Chuck Schumer announces new Democratic party policy of "Lich the Rich" during party's response to the State of the Union.

Breaking #FakeNews: President Trump asks why New York City doesn't merely melt all of the snow.

#blizzardof26

Breaking #FakeNews: President Trump increases tariffs on judge robes by 110%.

Breaking #FakeNews: US Supreme Court rules the City of Philadelphia and the National Park Service must restore slavery to the President's house.

Breaking #FakeNews: CBS discovers Streisand Effect.

#colbertlateshow

Breaking #FakeNews: White House Islamic Ambassador Teror Mann releases statement urging all islams to be aware of how much ramen they eat for this Ramadan.

"You just gotta be careful, that stuff has a lot of salt, especially when you eat it raw" - Teror Mann

Breaking #FakeNews: Leaked audio appears to confirm why the FBI took Georgia ballots.

Breaking #FaleNews: Ginyu Force leader Pam Bondi announces the DOW power level is over 50,000!

Breaking #FakeNews: Totally Not Racist Coworker can't quite articulate why they didn't like Bad Bunny at the halftime show.

Breaking #FakeNews: President Trump says he will send ICE armed in power armor to annex Canada and remove Canadian immigrants from US soil.

Breaking #FakeNews: TrumpRX announces new medicine designed to prevent hairloss - Hairrepairdiol, which is definitely not just rebranded estradiol.

ˢᶦᵈᵉ ᵉᶠᶠᵉᶜᵗˢ ᶦⁿᶜˡᵘᵈᵉ ʰᵃᵖᵖᶦⁿᵉˢˢ, ˡᵃʳᵍᵉʳ ᵇʳᵉᵃˢᵗˢ, ˡᵃʳᵍᵉʳ ᵇᵘᵗᵗᵒᶜᵏˢ, ˢᵐᵒᵒᵗʰᵉʳ ˢᵏᶦⁿ

Breaking #FakeNews: President Trump says the Trump mentioned in the latest Epstein files was actually Mary Trump.

"I can't believe she's in there 38,000 times", President Trump said while nodding to Justice Department leader Pam Bondi.

Breaking #FakeNews: Local Academic and niche bug expert horrified at prospect of losing job to Tony Dokoupil.

"All I want to do is know exactly everything about this guy and look at them through my microscope every day. Please don't take that from me", Dr. Peritus told us.

Breaking #FakeNews: Nation wonders how Democrats will screw this opportunity up.

#ICE #dhsfundingbill #governmentshutdown

Breaking #FakeNews: The Onion has updated the school shooting article they repost after a shooting takes place to instead be about ICE officers doing the shooting.

#minneapolis #ice #onlynationwherethisregularlyhappens

Breaking #FakeNews: ICE agents celebrate new uniforms for deployment to #minneapolis

#ICE #Nazis

Breaking #FakeNews: Hilary Clinton's email server accepted for job at the Department of Government Efficiency.

Mr. Email Server has said he's grateful for the opportunity of being able to help people work quicker instead of safer.

#DOGE #TrumpAdministration

Breaking #FakeNews: President Trump calls off Greenland acquisition after realizing he meant to take over Iceland actually. He thought Iceland was the one covered in ice. Whoops.

#Greenland #NATO

Breaking #FakeNews: Secretary of State Marco Rubio argues that the killing of a mother of 3 was actually a good thing for America.

#ReneeGood #minneapolis

Breaking #FakeNews: Trump Organization announces new real estate projects on the forest moon of Endor - turning the pristine forest into something productive.

A request for more information about the involvement of the Emperor was not responded to, and if the reporter is ever located, we'll be sure to see if he ever got a response.

Breaking #FakeNews: Conductor of slow moving train wreck pauses to look on with bemusement at whatever is happening with the United States right now.

#Unemployment #JobsNumbers #Venezuela #Minneapolis #Portland #NationalDebt #Fentanyl #Health #ClimateChange #WhiteHouseBallroom

Breaking #FakeNews: Vice President JD Vance suggests banning women from driving for the health and safety of ICE officers - citing concerns they just get too emotional and might just pop off at the scene.

#Minneapolis #Portland

Breaking #FakeNews: Senate Republicans unsure how to proceed after President Trump uses military to arrest House of Representatives Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries for what he described as "drugged oil".

#venezuela #drugs

Breaking #FakeNews: Gamers of Whoville can't believe that the Grinch has not only taken their ham, but also access to Steam.

#Steam #Christmas

Breaking #FakeNews: Local atheist can't believe he's winning war on Christmas.